Say It With Song

Music is profoundly important to me and touches my soul almost unlike anything else.  Since life is at a bit of a stand-still while I recuperate from bronchitis, I am indulging in a YouTube favorite music quest.

Here’s some of what I’ve been listening to lately (or always):

When You Fall, First Call, 1993

Lament, Audrey Assad, 2012

It’s Better Not to Know, Amy Grant, 2014

Healing is in Your Hands, Christy Nockels, 2012

Into the Glorious, Christy Nockels, 2012

((Into the Glorious is one of the most-played albums in my iTunes library.  The entire album is wonderful.))

Jesus Loves Me, Chris Tomlin, 2014

Arms of Love, Amy Grant, 2010 Updated Version

Carry You, Amy Grant, 2005  

What Love is This, Kari Jobe, 2012

Don’t Deserve You, Plumb (2013)

Doxology, The Wilson’s, 2009

My Covering, Watermark (Nathan & Christy Nockels), 2004

You Restore My Soul, Sarah Hart Pearsons, 2011

Psalm 91, Robbie Seay Band, 2013

You’re the One That Really Matters, Michael W. Smith with Kari Jobe, 2014

Desert Song, Hillsong United

Jesus at the Center, Darlene Zschech, 2013

O Lord, Lauren Daigle, 2015

Holy Spirit, Francesca Battistelli, 2014

Bring It To Jesus, Cynthia Clawson, 1987

How Great Thou Art, Carrie Underwood with Vince Gill, 2011

And on a completely different note… when I’m on YouTube, sometimes I just re-watch the videos of this sweetheart, Caroline Pennell, contestant from Season 5 of The Voice.  (And my heart broke when she did not win!)

It’s Prayer. That’s the thing. (By Beth Moore)

It’s Prayer. That’s the thing.

This blog post by Beth Moore really got me. 

I will do just about anything or everything else before I will pray. That is one of the ugliest confessions about myself, but it’s true. 

I can do and live and function in every other arena of life and wear a partial (or full) mask – but not when it comes to prayer.  I cannot fake prayer, and that is good and also terrifying.  I guess that is why I can (and do) immerse myself in other tasks or distractions and even in Bible reading and study before prayer.

And yet, I have been living for years with the God-given revelation that some areas of my life, some areas of my mind, some areas of ME will NOT change unless they are bathed in prayer.

And yet I’m still inconsistent and reluctant in prayer.

What’s wrong with me?

And I feel extreme guilt.

And then when I do pray, I can’t just “pick up where I left off” because where I left off might have been 12 days ago (shocking, terrible, I know!) so then my prayer (I feel like) has to have this long preamble just to catch up to where I am in that very moment when I yielded myself to the Holy Spirit’s nudging to prayer.

The times when I seem to give-in without delay and yield to an unction to pray is when I feel either completely overwhelmed or on the verge of dispair.

I am too independant.

I shoulder my burdens most of the time all by myself and that shouldn’t be so.

Oh, I go through seasons where my prayer life is much more consistent – but I can’t recall a time where a season lasted longer than a month.

The pattern seems to be that I fall away from prayer when I know I have unconfessed / unrepented sin in my life / heart — or (even more grotesque honesty), I’m not ready to turn away from that sin, so I have the guilt of the sin, then the guilt over not wanting to be rid of the sin and then the guilt about not praying about either of those problems.  

And I usually try to end my posts on some sort of a final note.  I don’t have one to offer of my own words because clearly I’m struggling and deficient in this area, but this came to mind:

“Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time.” ~ Hebrews 4:16 HCSB